Last week we had Jackson’s MAP testing with Epic Charter School – a computerized test that determine where he’s at academically before we start a new school year. It was a complete disaster. We didn’t even finish.
I should have known it would be a disaster when Jackson woke up at 3 a.m. and never went back to sleep. I sat and watched him intentionally choose the wrong answers to questions I knew he could answer correctly. His anxiety was so high and he was so tired. He was doing whatever he had to do to finish the stressful test.
At the time I was annoyed. I was frustrated that he was jacking around and not taking things seriously. The teacher did not get a true picture of my child and what he knows. I wanted to scream.
Jackson’s anxiety and exhaustion quickly turned into frustration and major irritability.
A kid with Dyspraxia and ADHD trying to maneuver a computer mouse, while focusing on the question, was enough to send him over the edge.
In that moment I asked myself the same question I have asked a thousand times…
How do I find the right balance?
How do I encourage him to learn and grow academically, but not push him to the point of feeling hopeless and defeated?
Should I expect my child (who will be seven in December) to read and write when his executive function skills are so impaired? Technically, he’s more like a four-year-old when you take his executive functioning skills into consideration.
This just might be one of the hardest parts of homeschooling a child with special needs.
Finding balance.
Pushing him to learn, but not pushing too hard.
Encouraging him to sit and complete a task, but not to the point of melting down.
Accepting where he’s at academically and meeting him there.
Amy E. Mason, in her devotional for special needs parents, writes: Special needs parenting is a constant process of embracing your situation while maintaining hope in God and his promises.
As we begin the new school year, I want to throw all my expectations out the window and embrace the place Jackson’s currently at.
I know some days will be easier than others, but on the hard days I want to hold on to hope.
I want to trust that God’s plan is bigger than whether or not my kid is on target academically.