When Relief Outweighs the Sadness

I wasn’t sure how I’d feel today. It’s the first day of public school in our town and it’s the first year I won’t be sending my son through the elementary school doors.

Last week I found myself wondering if I’d feel sad seeing my newsfeed overflowing with first day of school photos.Would I feel sad that my kiddo couldn’t do a typical kiddo thing, or would I feel relieved?

A day like today brings a mixture of emotions for a mama who is about to embark on her first full year of homeschool.

I’d be lying if I said there aren’t times when bitterness creeps in. I sometimes get jealous of mamas who can drop their kids off at school and go about their day without a worry in the world. They can meet their friends for coffee, attend a weekly Bible study or invest in a hobby.

As a special needs/homeschool mom, I don’t have those luxuries.

The truth is I didn’t have those luxuries even during the two years my son attended public school.

I was always on high alert. I never knew when I might get a phone call from the principal. I never knew when I’d have to drop everything I was doing and rush to the school. My stomach stayed twisted in knots from the moment I dropped him off until the moment I picked him up.

My son wasn’t the only one dealing with school related anxiety; his mama was, too!

So I guess there’s a part of me that feels super relieved that I don’t have to send him to public school.

I’m relieved I won’t have to try and convince a principal that he’s not a bad kid.

I’m relieved I won’t have to worry about whether he’s falling through the cracks academically.

I’m relieved I won’t have to carry out an overstimulated and anxious child in the midst of a meltdown.

I’m relieved I won’t have to worry about bullying.

I’m relieved I won’t have to worry whether or not he ate his lunch.

The relief far outweighs the sadness. 

I’ll take the relief homeschool brings over coffee dates any day.

While thousands of kids pour into elementary schools throughout our town, Jackson and I will take advantage of a few more weeks of summer. We don’t officially start first grade until after Labor Day. We still have a beach vacation to look forward too.

We also have a long list of places we plan to visit now that school’s back in session.

The zoo, the science museum, a trampoline park and local splash pad, just to name a few.

There’s a long list of perks to being a homeschool mom, but peace of mind is the best one!