Will I Fully Surrender To This Assignment?

Monday was definitely a Monday.

I felt overwhelmed and blah about homeschooling.

Jackson was in a mood.

There were tears at the kitchen table over math.

I doubted and pouted.

I doubted my ability to do this job and pouted because I’d sure like to just send my kid to school like thousands of other parents do each day.

But the truth is, nothing about our situation is traditional – school included – and I’m having a hard time accepting that. 

My son has developmental delays.

My son learns differently.

My son has a mama who is way too Type-A.

Yesterday morning I was reading about Mary’s response to the angel when he told her she was pregnant with Jesus.

But How? she asked.

Mary had one question and once the angel answered it she fully surrendered to God’s plan for her.

I wish I was more like Mary.

My heart knows I’m supposed to homeschool Jackson, but boy do I have a long list of questions.

Um, are you sure about this God?

What if I don’t have what it takes?

There has to be a school where he can thrive?

Um, I never really wanted to homeschool you know?

I haven’t fully surrendered to God’s plan. 

Selfish me wants an easier assignment.

I’m fearful of the future and the challenges that lie ahead.

Yesterday was not our best homeschool day. Sure, we did some school work, but Jackson also had a whole lot of screen time.

When John got home from work (and while he was trying to do some math with Jackson) I had a little “me time” at the local bookstore. I bought myself a new devotional and opened it before turning out the lights last night.

For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you! (Isaiah 41:13)

I especially like the Message version of this verse: That’s right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, “Don’t panic. I’m right here to help you.”

I can fully surrender to this assignment God has given me because He has promised to help me.

I can trade my fear for faith.

I can extend grace to Jackson and myself on days like yesterday.

I can close the math book and try again tomorrow.