There are two important lessons I’ve learned on the special needs journey.
Lesson # 1
Grief is not a one time thing.
The past week has been a mixture of grief and gratitude.
I’ve once again had to grieve the way I thought things would be. I thought Jackson would go to Kindergarten. I hoped so desperately he would have his own set of amazing memories – similar to my own – from his Kindergarten year. I thought I would be a room mom and a member of the PTA.
I thought we’d find a way to make him successful in the classroom. I thought I’d have an overflowing box of Kindergarten memorabilia. I thought he’d have a best buddy from his class. I thought I’d have a few hours of “me time” each day.
There hasn’t been a single step in our journey that has played out the way I thought it would.
Adoption wasn’t our initial plan and private adoption wasn’t the first path we took. We had no idea we’d have a baby who cried constantly and was hard to comfort. We didn’t know we wouldn’t hear our son speak for years. We didn’t know we’d spend ridiculous amounts of money on speech therapy. We didn’t know we’d battle with insurance companies and school districts. We didn’t know how lonely it would feel to walk the special needs road. I had no idea how much faith and courage it would take to be a mother.
With each step – so very different from what we imagined – we’ve grieved.
We’ve had to grieve what we thought would be, so we could fully embrace what is.
And what is, is beautiful.
But the only way we can see the beautiful amidst the broken, is by having a heart of gratitude.
Because there is always something to be thankful for.
Lesson # 2
Stop practicing gratitude and you grow immune to His glory.
This week has been difficult.
Leaving Jackson’s elementary school for the last time was both a relief and a punch in the gut.
Trying to explain to a six-year-old why he’s not going back to school will rip a mama’s heart right out of her chest.
His little brain and heart are trying to process this big change and with that comes challenging behaviors and sad tears.
Yesterday he sobbed during speech therapy.
But yesterday was also a really good day – a day filled with reminders of that we have to be thankful for.
- A patient and amazing speech therapist who understands our families struggles on a professional and personal level.
- A Mother’s Day Out teacher who loves Jackson just as he is. Her home is a safe place where he can go each week so I can have a break from the demands of special needs parenting.
- A friend who lets me vent and covers our family in mighty prayers.
- A husband who works so hard to provide for our family, which allows me to homeschool Jackson.
- So many encouraging messages from friends supporting our decision to homeschool.
- FREE homeschool supplies.
- An email from a therapist offering her services.
- Hearing my son tell me he loves me.
God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. (2 Cor. 9:8 MSG)
God’s blessing are abundant, even when life is hard, messy and uncertain.
But we must choose to see.