Will School Always Be Hard
It’s January, and we’re already thinking about kindergarten. We met with Jackson’s teacher a few weeks ago and she said Jackson is academically ready to advance to the next grade. Although I was thrilled to hear how well he was doing academically, I had to be realistic. To stick him in a classroom with 20 to 25 students is just not what’s best for him. He struggles in a class of fifteen.
So we find ourselves at a crossroads again. We’re exploring all our options – private school or a move to a new school district – to make sure Jackson is in the best possible place.
My prayer is simply this: Lord, show me the school that is best for Jackson. The place where he thrives and can become all that you’ve created him to be.
The fact is my kiddo struggles in the classroom.
Yes, he knows his ABC’s and 123’s. Academics aren’t the challenging part (yet); but I know they could be in the future. Children with Childhood Apraxia of Speech, Dyspraxia and ADHD are at a higher risk of having learning disorders. I already dread the day we start learning to read – it’s probably not going to be easy.
But I can’t worry about that right now. Right now my focus is on kindergarten and how sensory overload, difficulty transitioning and poor fine motor skills present unique challenges for Jackson in the classroom. Throw in a few meltdowns and 20 additional students and it gets even more complicated.
Jackson’s education is one of my main concerns as a mother and probably will be until the day he graduates high school.
Will He Have Friends
Don’t get me wrong – Jackson has two friends who I’m very thankful for. These two little girls have been a part of his life since the beginning. I thank God for them (and their mamas) every day. They love Jackson for who he is and have stuck by us on this long and hard journey.
And there’s Jellybean. There’s nothing quite like the bond between a boy and his dog.
What I worry about are new friends; especially little boys.
I yearn for Jackson to have a buddy who loves trucks, trains and planes.
I want Jackson to have a close friend who he can just be a boy with.
That’s another prayer I’m trusting God will answer this year; whether it’s a little boy from church or school or maybe the new neighborhood we move into.
Am I Getting it Right
I think every mother wonders this; but maybe special needs mamas put even more pressure on themselves.
There’s educational decisions that have to be made.
There’s therapy appointments and big decisions about whether or not to medicate.
Should we change his diet or just keep making the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? After all, his diet is so darn limited anyway.
There’s behavioral and social challenges that have to be overcome.
There’s the fear he won’t have friends.
There’s financial worries and extra stress on your marriage.
There’s guilt.
You’re so focused on the disorders, you wonder if you’ve failed him in other areas.
Just when I think I’m messing it all up, God graciously gives me glimpses that maybe I’m not doing so bad.
When I hear his sweet voice say, tank you, after I make another PB&J.
When I watch as he gets on his knees, squeezes his eyes shut and talks to God as if he were a friend.
When I leave the room and come back moments later to shouts of hey mom and hugs.
God created me to be Jackson’s mom.
Yes, there are things I fear and worry about as a special needs mom; but God wouldn’t have given me this gig if He didn’t think it was the perfect fit.