A Heartfelt Confession

It’s been two months since anger erupted and words poured hot like lava.

Sixty-five days since the relationship was ripped to shreds because of words spoken.

A day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t prayed about the mess; haven’t thought about the repercussions of that night.

I’ve asked God to forgive me.

I’ve asked God to take away the bitterness.

I’ve asked Him to show me where we go from here.

But the more I pray; I don’t feel God nudging me to apologize for my behavior.

He’s calling me to a deeper place.

He doesn’t want an empty apology for hurtful words; He wants a heartfelt confession.

And the confession runs deeper than I screwed up.

To the individual I burned with my words:

Being a Christian doesn’t mean I have it all together; it means I’m desperate for Jesus to hold me together. 

My expectations for our relationship have always been too high; because like me, you’re an imperfect person, too.

As humans, we are unable to walk the road of forgiveness and reconciliation perfectly. That road, as many of you well know, is messy and difficult and would be entirely impossible without a Savior. (She Reads Truth)

As I’ve walked through the mess these past two months, God’s met me in an unlikely place – the pages of Genesis.

As Jacob wrestles with God, I’m reminded that nobody is too far-gone.

God wants to give us a new name and a new identity. (Genesis 32:28)

He wants to turn our hearts of stone into hearts of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26)

Genesis is filled with messy relationships like the one I currently find myself in.

But forgiveness and grace are sprinkled throughout the pages.

Jacob and Esau’s embrace reminds us of the possibility of reconciliation where it’s least expected and deserved. (SRT)

And that’s what God does – pours out undeserved love, forgiveness and grace – on hot-headed sinners like me.

God can use our messes; He’s been doing it for thousands of years.

Do I know what will come out of my current mess? No.

Will our relationship be restored? I’m not sure.

But of a few things I’m certain: we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) and If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)