I’ll Be Brave…

Thirteen years ago I applied to the University of Oklahoma unbeknownst to my parents. Imagine their surprise when I showed them the acceptance letter and shared my plans to leave that tiny Texas town to chase my childhood dream.

I was brave.

My dad drove that UHaul north on I35 and I felt exhilaration and anticipation. I had no fear.

But it wasn’t long after the boxes were unloaded and my parents drove away that a deep ache settled and stayed.

I’ve never felt that lonely in all my life.

The ache about did me in.

And it’s that memory – that ache – that keeps me standing at a crossroads now.

Can I be that brave again? 

I’m excited about the opportunity that’s presenting itself, but there’s one thing that threatens to hold me back.

The fear of being alone.

Not that I necessarily will be – I’ll have John and Jackson.

But if we say yes, there’s a chance the ache will return. And I can’t help but remember how it kept me awake night after night in that small one bedroom apartment.

Last week I opened my devotion and it led me to Proverbs 16:9.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps.

Written next to that verse – exactly four years to the day – I had scribbled the timeline for our Ethiopian adoption.

I scribbled new words next to the verse that day: do we take the leap of faith? 

I am praying and believing that God will direct our steps and make His plan very clear to us.

I don’t want fear to keep us from God’s best for our family.

I want to trust God with the ache.

Because He has promised: never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

I want to be brave! 

***Today I’m linking up for Three Word Wednesday. You can join in the fun here.