For the past few months I have grieved the loss of a friendship that just seemed to abruptly end. It’s been hard to trust God with the sudden outcome because it was a friendship that I truly believed was a direct answer to my prayers about this time last year.
I’ve questioned everything I did – maybe I was too high maintenance last fall when our family was going through a really difficult season, maybe she doesn’t want to be friends with someone who comes unraveled during her son’s second birthday party, or maybe there’s just not room for me amidst her group of friends.
One morning during my prayer time I asked God to show me how to be a better friend. I asked Him to show me the areas within my heart that need to change. Then I read these words in my devotion.
[Jesus said] So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law of the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12)
God was telling me how to be a good friend. As I read His words, I sensed He was telling me to continue to live this way even though I’ve been hurt, even when friends don’t reciprocate, and even when I feel like doing the complete opposite.
My friendship may never be what it was, but the loss shouldn’t stop me from being the kind of friend I desire to have and the one God has asked me to be.
I do the things I do – like send cards, text, invite, and pray – because deep down that’s what I desire from my friends. I’ve been tempted to allow bitterness to trickle into my heart and turn it to stone. There are many days when I tell myself I’m not going to send another card or put myself in the position of getting hurt again.
But God asks more of me.
He says to treat others the way I want to be treated.
He says to extend grace and forgive.
He says to have a friend you have to be a friend.
So I obey.
And drop the August birthday cards in the mail.
** Today I’m linking up for Coffee for the Heart here, for Three Word Wednesday here, and for Tell His Story.
This is such a wise, brave, beautiful post, Jennifer! I’ve been there with friends, and it’s so hard. But you’re doing the right thing by obeying and trusting God while being a good friend yourself. I’m glad you’re my friend! I just wish we lived closer.
Kristin – So thankful for your friendship! I wish we lived closer, too! 🙂
I can relate to finding out that sometimes friendships don’t look the way they were hoped for. God has used this challenge to help me see my own boundaries for emotions too. I can love and share as God leads, while not becoming consumed with the lack of response from others. Sometimes, I’ve had to let go of friends altogether, and sometimes I felt led to continue pursuit. May God direct every step, for His purposes.
Jolene – I love this…”I can love and share as God leads, while not becoming consumed with the lack of response from others.” Thank you for sharing that…I needed to hear it! Thanks for stopping by the blog today!
Oh, sweetie, I can so relate to this post. I love doing things for others to help keep them encouraged. My biggest struggle (other than not having any friends right now) is the waiting. The Lord is working on helping me to remember that whatever I do, because He lead me to, is not about me. So when I get discouraged because I don’t hear back from this person, I have to trust that God is in control. That is a very hard lesson to learn. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Leigha
Leigha – Thank you for sharing your heart! Praying for you as you wait! Hang in there! Thanks for stopping by the blog today!
I love you, sweet friend, and the cards you have sent me have blessed me so. I am so grateful God brought us together in this blogging world. I love being able to call you my friend. Love you!! xoxo
I feel the same way about you, Beth! Hugs!
Friendships that end for no apparent reason can be devastating and leave us paralyzed. I am so grateful for this encouragement not to let ourselves grow bitter!
So glad you were encouraged Sarah!
I SO get where you are coming from Jennifer!! I so see myself in what you write, I am such a card sender and am sad over the fact that no one sends me a card, not even my family who live overseas. And I have been building a friendship with this girl but it’s always coming from me. So last year I took it easy with her, I stopped initiating and slowly our contact disappeared. I translate that into that I really do not matter to her all that much. When I was house sitting near her over the summer we were in touch again. It is always such fun and we pray for one another and all that. I am back home now, being 40 minutes away and the same thing as last year is happening. She doesn’t seem to think about me. I take that personally. I am starting to think that God wants me to pursue. Her not being in touch, most likely, has nothing to do with me. Maybe her work life is just overwhelming and crazy. Maybe she’s never learned what it is like to be a friend. Maybe she doesn’t do long distance very well. Either way… God never gives up on us, maybe I should not be quick to give up. I am called to love, even if it requires a lot of me. It is hard though, very hard. But I think God is unto me.
It’s nice visition you!!
Thanks for sharing your heart with me Hope! I love the blogging community. I love hearing from people like you because it makes me realize I’m not crazy or alone 🙂
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog!