Jennifer Jackson Linck

Where Grace & Imperfection Collide

You Belong Here

by

I wasn’t raised in church. My dad worked on Sundays so we didn’t go often.

I went with my great-grandmother on occasion and even attended VBS a few times.

As a young girl I felt uncomfortable at church. I sat quietly in Sunday School. I didn’t know much about Noah or Moses. My Meme would give me two shiny quarters each week. I would seal the coins in an envelope and place them in the offering plate as it passed by.

Church intimidated me.

God was out of reach.

Back then I thought I had to be perfect in order to fit in (sometimes I still do).

It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I began attending church regularly. My best friend invited me to a youth event and it wasn’t long before Jesus got a hold of my heart. I was at church every time the doors opened – like any good Baptist girl. I gave my life to Christ and was baptized. Not long after my parents started attending church, too.

I came face-to-face with hypocrisy during my freshman year of college. In the same church where I’d given my heart to Jesus, I watched as a dear friend was shunned for being unwed and pregnant.

Around the same time I was cornered and interrogated by my pastor.

“Are you having sex?” he asked.

I was, but there was no way I was going to admit it to him.

“You need to date the boys from youth group,” he said.

I scoffed.

You mean the boys who were drinking in the church parking lot and making passes at my best friend?

The church turned their back on my friend.

There was never any grace.

I decided to turn my back on the church.

I never stopped loving Jesus, I just hated the hypocrisy.

It was years before I stepped foot into a church again.

John and I became members of a church not long after we were married.

We were there mosts Sundays. We tithed and gave to the building fund. We were on the prayer team. The preacher and his wife sat around our table for dinner on more than one occasion.

I thought I was finally experiencing how church was supposed to be.

Then we adopted Jackson.

What was supposed to be the happiest time in our lives turned out to be the most difficult.

We had a baby who cried all the time and a marriage that was on the brink of divorce.

We cried out for help, but nobody came.

The times I’ve admitted my struggles are the times I’ve been left alone to deal with them.

Thirteen years have passed since I left the church where I gave my heart to Jesus.

It’s been two years since we’ve had a church home.

I long for community, but I’ve built up walls.

I’ve prayed to forgive.

I’ve asked God to take away the bitterness.

But there’s still hurt.

When you’ve been burned by church, it’s a process. One of healing and grieving. Letting go and forgiving.

Just because you choose forgiveness doesn’t mean it’s easy to trust again.

Sunday morning we went to church.

The pastor read from Ephesians 2:20….

You belong here with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He’s using us all – irrespective of how we got here – in what he’s building. (The Message)

God spoke over me.

You Belong Here

The tears fell because I want desperately to belong.

As we picked Jackson up from the nursery we were told he had bitten a boy who was trying to take away his toys.

There was judgment in her voice.

Shame and guilt fell over me.

How can we come back here?, I thought.

Then His voice reminded me…

You Belong Here

My entire imperfect self. My hurts and my struggles. Even my biting toddler.

We belong in church.

Psalm 1:3 says, that person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither – whatever they do prospers.

Church isn’t for perfect people  – there is no such thing.

It’s for imperfect people in need of a perfect God.

He wants us to come just as we are.

He says we belong.

This post was written as a response to Holley Gerth’s Coffee for your Heart link up prompt: For more encouragement click here! I am also linking up for Three Word Wednesday. You can join the fun here. And for the first time today, I’m linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee for Tell His Story. 

 

 

 

 


Comments

  1. Such important words here, Jennifer. Churches aren’t perfect, but those imperfect communities teach us more about how to be like Jesus – including showing grace and forgiveness. I’m glad you shared on this tough subject. Your words are going to encourage someone who is grieving like you did.

    • Thank you Kristin! I sure hope they bring hope to someone else. I think there are a lot of people struggling with this.

  2. It’s no accident I followed you at Coffee for Your Heart, Jennifer. It’s been six months since our family has walked into a church. I’ve experienced similar circumstances when it comes to being hurt by the “church,” so I can maybe understand just a little of what you are walking through. The hurt we are dealing with is real, and honestly, it was so unexpected. I look forward to finding that place where we belong again, whenever we decide to begin looking for a new church home. You’ve given me hope and have encouraged me here. God has a place for us. Thank you for sharing your experiences. You’ve blessed me! I’m thrilled you’ve found where you belong!!

    • Julie – I am so glad you stopped by today and that the Lord used my words to encourage you. These were hard words to write, but so necessary for my healing. It’s a process. Slow and difficult, but I’m getting there. I pray you will find healing and your place soon. Have a wonderful day!

  3. I know this was difficult for you to write, Jennifer, but you have shared your heart honestly and beautifully. I just loved the Message version you shared from Ephesians 2:20. It makes me think of something my pastor said recently, “Read less, obey more.” He wasn’t encouraging us to read less, but said if all we read was one verse each day and obeyed what it said in every area of our life, consider how powerful that would be. I read those words from Eph. 2:20 and they remind me to see others through God’s eyes. Every single one of us belongs. With all the ways we are imperfect and broken, we belong. I want to live out that truth in my life. And I’m sure it won’t look perfect but I’m so grateful for His grace. I hope that all came out the way intended. Holding you in prayer, friend.

    • Thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers Beth! I can already see that God has answered them. 🙂

  4. Jennifer — you are beautiful!

    I love this. “Belong” is also a word God spoke to me about church.

    And I was that unwed and pregnant teen.

    How He redeems is AWESOME.

    Thanks for sharing!

    • Elise – You are proof of God’s amazing grace, love, and faithfulness! I’m sure He’s used your story for His glory 🙂 Thanks for stopping by for and for the sweet words!

  5. Jennifer, you wrote beautifully from your heart!!! Thank you for sharing that struggle because you are not alone. I love how God never stops pursuing us, never shuns us when we do things wrong, never turns his back on us when we call out to Him and admit our struggles.

  7. Oh Jennifer. #Tears

    We had the same experience in a church after we welcomed our kids in our home and had never felt so alone. We are at a new church now and are starting to feel like we belong.

    It is so hard to live here on earth as sinners and in community with sinners. Praise the Lord for His grace!

    Thanks so much for sharing about this!

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