I tape the words to my bathroom mirror. Words I will read everyday in 2014 if I have to. A reminder to give myself grace.
A few hours later I try to wake from the nightmare, but it’s not a dream. It’s hands down the worst parenting moment of my career.
The selfishness, the sin of my imperfect self oozes from my hurting heart.
I think about the words on the bathroom mirror. I don’t deserve grace.
I am desperate for grace but I also need to extend it to the man and baby boy looking at the mess that I am.
But as I sit on the couch, hot tears staining my cheeks, grace seems so far out of reach.
The word failure rings loud in my ears. The hurtful words I yelled haunt me, making it impossible to fall asleep.
I’ve spent my entire life believing I have to be perfect. Even after becoming a Christian, the slightest mess up, the wrong choice, left me burdened with guilt and feelings of failure.
God’s grace is always within reach, but I’ve never felt worthy of it. So I strive and try to do it all in my own strength. When I don’t meet my unreasonable standards I break. And it’s not pretty.
My inability to receive grace, to ease up on myself, isn’t this a slap in God’s face?
If He can forgive. If His grace covers me, why can’t I cut myself some slack?
In 2014 I want to receive grace. I want to extend grace.
I want to cut myself some slack.
How about you? Are you too hard on yourself? Is what you do never good enough?
This year let’s promise to extend grace. Not just to ourselves, but to others. Let’s vow to receive the grace that God freely gives.
Hebrews 4:16 says, Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
What’s your need?
A difficult marriage? His grace covers you.
Feelings of failure? His grace covers you.
High expectations that always let you down? His grace covers you.
Today I’m joining Holley Gerth for Coffee for Your Heart. For more encouragement, click here.
I can relate to so much of what you say. Last week I wrote about how I chose perfectionism most of my life and it is a black hole of living unsatisfied. This year I am intentionally trading my perfectionism for the Perfect One. Lovely meeting you through Holley’s link up. May this year be a year of letting go and experiencing freedom . . .for both of us.
Shelly – I couldn’t agree more! Less of us and more of Him!
Thanks for stopping by today!
I need those words too. Thankful God gives them.
So thankful, Kristin!
I hope you have a great day!
Yes, His grace is enough. I wrote a similar post about motherhood and guilt. The wonderful grace we have is that it says in His word there is no condemnation in Christ. Learning to give away grace, mercy , and love as readily as we have received them can be a challenge. But He is faithful to teach us how.
Jennifer, thank you for reminding me of the verse about no condemnation! Would love to read the post you wrote. Can you share a link??
What a beautiful reminder – and one that my heart needed to hear this afternoon! “His grace covers you.” Wow. I just need to let that sink in…Thank you so much for sharing! I’m so glad that I found you through Holley Gerth’s linkup!
I’m glad you were encouraged Ginger! Hold fast to His promises!!
Thanks so much for linking up today for Coffee for Your Heart, friend! XOXO
Thanks Holley! So excited about your new link up!
I am ALWAYS too hard on myself! It’s wearying, actually, but I always feel the need to justify my actions! I need to remember to let myself rest in His grace – it’s more relaxing there anyway! 🙂
Heather, I know exactly what you mean. I am so hard on myself. Why do we do that to ourselves??
Jennifer,
I have been there many, many times! Like you, I also thought that being a Christian meant to be perfect, but that standard will never be reached here on earth. I am so glad to hear that others go through the same emotions I do, and the same feelings of guilt. I am so glad that you have shared this encouragement to let us know we are not alone in the struggles of being that mommy that our kids look up to with admiration. It is so difficult for me when they have seen the ugly side of me. But that also gives me an opportunity to show them how to fix it; through examples of deep love, holding, kissing, mending their wounds, and of course, time with our Father.