Being told I would probably never conceive without the help of fertility drugs was not the worst part of being diagnosed with PCOS. God had already whispered to my heart that I would become a mother through adoption and I was content and excited about His plan for building our family.
The hardest part of having PCOS has been the 20 pouds I’ve gained over the last few years. I know that sounds really vain, but you have to understand that until a few years ago I was always the skinny girl. My nickname in high school was Betty Spaghetti.
I was on the dance team in high school and we had weight checks every few weeks. I was constantly told to put on a few pounds so I wouldn’t blow off the field in the middle of my high kick routine. I never had to worry about what I ate, I could easily slip into a size 4 or 6 – until PCOS.
Before I was diagnosed, I had someone tell me I looked like I was putting on weight (she wanted to know if I was pregnant). The words cut like a knife. Not long after that I was shopping for my birthday and her words kept popping into my mind. I stood in front of the dressing room mirror and cried as I tried on double-digit-sized clothes for the first time in my life.
Weight gain is a big side effect of PCOS and can do crazy things to a girl emotionally, especially when you add to it crazy hormones and facial hair 🙂 (Speaking of that, I need to make an appointment to have my lip waxed!)
A fellow SheSpeaks graduate and PCOS gal, is also blogging about her journey to healing from PCOS. Here’s what she had to say in her latest post. It will give you a little insight to why I gained 20 pounds!
So just what is insulin resistance? Well, basically this means our cells aren’t talking very well to our hormones…and vice versa…and therefore our cells don’t allow carbs and sugars to be broken down easily. This therefore leads to an overabundance of insulin being produced in the body, which leads the ovaries to produce the testosterone hormone called androgen…this in turn leads to PCOS. Primarily the problems women face with PCOS is weight gain (with a struggle to lose), and many experience infertility.
I would love to loose 10-15 pounds. I look back at photos from a few years ago and I realize that I was probably too skinny. I look a little disgusting in some of the photos. I don’t want to be a size 4, but I sure wouldn’t mind being a comfortable size 8. I just know I would feel so much better.
A few weeks ago when I first shared about my PCOS here, I wrote about some of my goals and the steps I needed to take to tackle this PCOS head on. Well, I have good news. I have accomplished some of those goals!
1. I’ve been walking almost every day. The first week I logged 16 miles. I really don’t like working out, so walking is a good way to get me moving. It also helps that I’m pushing a 20 pound baby in a stroller while I’m at it!
2. For one week I did really well and drank one Dr Pepper a day! Um, so….I’m not doing so well in that department. I love Dr Pepper. It makes me happy. I think it’s an emotional thing. It makes me mad that I have to give it up because my insulin resistant body can’t handle it. UGH!
3. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for October 17th – going to get back on meds and hormones and pray I start feeling like a normal human being again. The meds and hormones should help me (along with diet and exercise) shed a few pounds.
4. I also made an appointment to start seeing a counselor! I saw a counselor a couple of times when I was first told I couldn’t have kids, and she told me I was just experiencing situational depression and grieving the fact that I couldn’t have a biological child. She said she didn’t see a need for me to come to her on a regular basis. Two years later, and there is stuff that I need to purge! PCOS has affected me in bigger ways than just infertility. It’s time to talk about it and heal!
I’ll keep updating every now and then about my journey. Writing about it is part of the healing process and I pray that it will encourage someone else who is struggling with the nasty side effects of PCOS. If that’s you, please know that you are not alone! I would love to hear from you!
This is such a difficult journey and you write about it so eloquently. I know your strength is in the Lord but know that I am praying for you too! you are going to influence and help a lot of women!