My entire life I’ve believed a lie.
I believed I had to be skinny to be pretty.
I thought my worth was determined by my weight.
I’m not exactly sure when this lie found it’s way into my heart.
Maybe it was in high school when my nick name was Betty Spaghetti. Maybe it was when the dance team director told me to gain weight during weigh-ins, while other girls were being told to lose it. I remember her telling me I was going to blow off the field if I didn’t pack on a few pounds. Maybe it was the boyfriend who told me he’d love me more if my hips were smaller. Maybe it was the boyfriend who wished my boobs were bigger.
Every year around this time I struggle with wanting to loose a few pounds so I can fit into my summer shorts.
I start exercising hard core.
I get obsessed.
I say I’ll give up Dr Pepper (and I don’t because I love it!)
I’m determined to fit into the same shorts I’ve worn for years.
This year I find myself in a different place.
I bought bigger shorts.
I’m not going to force myself to fit into the ones I’ve owned for years. I’m not going to force my body to be a size it was in my 20s. I’m not going to obsess over being stick thin when God made my body curvy.
It’s okay to be a size 10; but it’s not okay to be unhealthy.
I was reading Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. She writes transparently about punishing herself with food, using diet pills and finally giving up Diet Coke (she’s stronger than I am!).
She writes, My weight was no longer just a part of me like my hair or teeth; now it was something that defined me…I had identified at a very early age that women who were thin were beautiful.
She goes on to say, You need to be healthy. You don’t need to be thin. You don’t need to be a certain size or shape or look good in a bikini. You need to be able to run without feeling like you’re going to puke. You need to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded…
It’s not okay for me to be unhealthy.
It’s perfectly okay if I’m a size 10!
This truth popped into my mind and planted itself in my heart.
It’s my new motto!
It makes me want to work out (and I do not enjoy working out!)
It gives me grace.
It frees me from the pressure to work out with only one goal in mind – to loose weight!
I am not defined by the number on the scale.
My weight does not determine my worth.
But I do want to be healthy – because I have a little boy who needs me at the top of my game!
I need strong arms to hold him when he’s having a hard time.
I need lots of energy to keep up with his (which never runs out!)
I need strong legs to walk the journey God is leading me on.