Finding My New Groove and Giving Myself Permission to Breathe

We’ve officially survived the first week of Kindergarten and it went better than we could have dreamed.

I am one VERY PROUD Mama!

God has answered so many prayers – for the right school, the right teacher, for Jackson to have self-control – and I could go on and on and on. I have no doubt that moving was the best decision for our family. I also believe 100% that the right school district can make or break a child (especially a child with special needs).

I’ve had 35 kid-free hours this week and it’s been glorious, yet it’s felt a little strange.

I’m trying to find my new groove as a stay-at-home mom who’s kid is now in school full-time.

The truth is, I don’t have the flexibility to go get a regular 8 to 5 job – not with therapy appointments and school meetings.

And if I’m being really honest, I don’t want to. Even though Jackson is in school full-time, he is still my first priority.

I want to be the one to drop him off and pick him up. I want to join the PTA and have lunch with him on occasion.

I want to put a load of laundry in the wash and throw something in the Crock Pot for dinner.

I was meant to be a mama and a wife and make a happy home. 

Being a stay-at-home-mama to a child with special needs for five and a half years has been one of the hardest and holiest things I’ve ever done. It’s drained me dry but also brought me more joy than I can even begin to explain.

During this new season, I want to be productive but I also want to give myself permission to breathe.

I want to take care of my physical and spiritual health.

I want to use this time to myself to fill up my tank so I have something to offer John and Jackson at the end of the day.

I don’t want to strive or stress – I want to be still and trust God with this new season.

I feel a need for slow, for surrender.

I don’t want chaos, I want connection.

I don’t want to compete with what social media says I should be doing.

Ann Voskamp recently wrote, Sometimes you aren’t listening to your body because you’re listening to everyone else’s expectations…Life’s not about growing your career, your bank account, your retirement fund, your platform, your status – life’s about growing your soul. 

I want to sit in my quiet house on a rainy Friday morning with  a pumpkin spice candle burning and believe that being a wife and mama is enough.

I want to write and take photos because I love those things and they make me happy; not to find my worth.

Yesterday, a post on Facebook made me feel like I needed to hurry and work harder.

I sat in my favorite chair to quiet my soul and felt the Holy Spirit say: You don’t have to strive; it’s not a competition. 

I opened my journal and gave myself permission to breathe.

I’m allowed to do one thing at a time.

I’m allowed to just be a wife and a mom.

I’m allowed to stay off social media.

I’m allowed to only book a few photo sessions each month.

I’m allowed to blog simply because I want to.

I’m allowed to do nothing.

I’m allowed to stop striving – so what if we don’t reach that $1000 goal!

I’m allowed to choose connection over chaos.

I’m allowed to sit down and read a book.

I’m allowed to NOT finish the book that isn’t all that good.

I’m allowed to walk three miles and call it my workout.

I’m allowed to skip a daily workout.

I’m allowed to love my body just the way it is.

I’m allowed to enjoy the gift of being a stay-at-home-mom.

I’m allowed to burn pumpkin spice candles in August.

I’m allowed to spend quiet moments journaling.

I’m also allowed to go to Hobby Lobby, and that’s where I’m headed now.