When Lies Threaten Your Worth

This weekend I felt defeated. Lies got tangled in my thoughts. I entertained them and was left feeling anything but stellar. We walked into church Sunday and the preacher’s words (truth) replaced the lies that had taunted me most of Saturday.

He said, your identity is never in who you are – a title, what you do – but in whose you are!!!

I spent most of Saturday believing that in order to really matter I had to be a skinny, successful writer.

I believed:

My Worth Is Measured By My Weight 

Two weeks ago I started the 21 Day Fix program (the exercises; I’m still working towards that crazy eating plan) because my shorts are a tad bit snug as we approach the start of summer. I’ve been consistent and have completed each daily workout. Although I feel stronger, the number on the scale still mocks me.

I’m disappointed in myself because last summer I made changes that led to a healthier Jennifer. Then winter came and I stopped, gained a few pounds and it’s back to square one.

Oh, and did I mention I have major body issues?

It happens when you grow up with the nickname Betty Spaghetti and end up with PCOS which causes you to pack on the pounds. To make matters worse are the comments from ex-boyfriends that still haunt me – if only my hips weren’t so big; if only my chest were a little bigger.

I am my own worst critic.

I’m having to replace the lies that I have to be a size 6 in order to matter. My worth is not based on the number on the scale or the size of my shorts.

My worth is found in whose I am.

Saturday I believed:

My Worth Is Measured By How Far My Blog Reaches

Saturday I wrote a blog post for Apraxia Awareness Day, hoping it would be as successful as last year’s post – which is still my most read post to date. But it wasn’t.

It didn’t get shared by the national Apraxia organization; a lot of other blog posts did.

The lies were out of control: why are you being overlooked? Why can’t your platform be bigger? Did God really say you should be a writer?

I struggle with a lot of insecurity when it comes to blogging.

I want my words to matter.

I want to reach the masses; but God always asks me to do the same thing.

Reach one person. 

Maybe that’s because I’m more likely to be obedient if I’m writing for an audience of one verses an audience of one million.

My worth can’t be found in the number of followers I have.

God won’t love me more based on the size of my platform.

My identtiy isn’t wrapped up in the words I write.

My worth is found in whose I am. 

 

What lies are you believing? Do you think you have to do more and be more to matter to God? Stop believing the lies and cling to the truth! Your worth is found in whose you are!