Often I choose not to do something because many others are. I want to make decisions based on God’s leading. However, I have come to realize I can use that as an excuse for not taking action.
One of the “things” I have not done simply because many others are . . . sponsor a child through Compassion International.
In July I attended the Declare Conference in Dallas, Texas. On the last evening of the conference, Shaun Groves told us about his first trip to El Salvador. He went with Compassion International and the trip changed his life. Shaun had me, and many others, in tears. He impressed me most because he did not just ask us to consider sponsoring a child. He said, “Do something.”
Several amazing organizations were present at Declare. Each organization does something to have an impact on the poverty of our world. Shaun not only mentioned the organization he represented. He highlighted each one. “Do something.”
As the evening drew to an end I looked at a friend and said, “I am tired of doing nothing.” I say I need to pray and wait on God to lead. Maybe God is waiting for me to just do something.
So I did something. I sponsored my first child through Compassion. Her name is Jacqueline. She lives in Mexico and will be nine years old in October. The moment I held a picture of her in my hands I felt God smiling over me. This was my something I needed to do.
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I shared the first part of this post on my blog after returning home from Declare. When Jennifer asked me to share my story of sponsoring a child through Compassion I knew I needed to share the same story. But I also felt compelled to share where my heart resides currently.
Jacqueline received her first letter from us and we received one from her. Her October birthday came and went. I failed to send her anything.
When I make a decision to do anything, especially if the decision is God led, I believe on being ALL IN. So where does my heart reside with Jacqueline?
The money sent every month to Jacqueline makes an impact on her life. At the same time, my lack of being ALL IN has me conversing with God on whether or not this was my something. And if this is not my something, I am asking Him to help me be ALL IN anyways. It’s not about me; it’s about Jacqueline and bringing glory to God by serving His children.
Can I share a missed dream with you?
I wanted a third child. I had my heart set on having a girl and a name already chosen. It would have been Alicia Jeanne; named after my mother-in-law (who is now in heaven) and my own mother.
During a separation from my husband I spent six weeks doing extensive in-patient therapy for an eating disorder. One day we were asked to write what we thought our life would look like five years from then. I wrote what I saw so clearly, me with my husband again and us welcoming a new baby to the world. I saw our daughter.
A third child didn’t happen for us. Not because I could not conceive. It did not happen because I would not let go of my eating disorder. I feared how a pregnancy would change my body. I feared weight gain.
I have secretly thought I could still have my daughter. Maybe we could be foster parents. Maybe we could adopt. Maybe my heart wishes for something more tangible than child sponsorship . . . a daughter I can touch and hold.
God has been speaking to my heart on the verse from Psalm 139:16: “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
His story for my life included having two amazing boys who are precious to me beyond words.
His story did not include me having a daughter of my own. I am most grateful for our lovely daughter-in-law though.
Sponsoring a child is never a wrong choice. I need to let go of regrets. I need to embrace the gift of being able to make a difference in the life of one of God’s precious daughters.
Maybe THIS is His dream for me. And maybe one day I will be able to touch and hold Jacqueline.
I’m moving forward with finding ways to bless Jacqueline and holding on to these wise words from Jennifer: We’ve all missed birthdays and forgot to pray. We’re all imperfect but God can use us to bless these children despite the imperfections.
*** The first three images are from my trip to Guatemala in August 2013.
Beth Stiff is Simply Beth, at least that’s what her blog is called. A wife to her Army Reserve husband and a mom of two boys, with her oldest son serving in the Navy, and a mother-in-law too. She a Jesus lover, a family gal who loves her friends, and reading with a hot cup of coffee. Her life is changed, even after 20 years of marriage with a love that grows stronger. But the bottom line, is in the heart. Beth loves the heart things and to speak about the Love that changed her and keeps changing her. She’s an encourager who thrives on being in our corner. You can also find her over here,blogging, Twittering, Facebooking, and posting pictures to the Pinterest world.
I have chills. Your heart here? It’s so honest. God can redeem regrets and mistakes. He can redeem the times we held too tightly to something other than him. He does it over and over again. He chooses you over and over again. And that grace allows you to choose others like you’ve done with Jacqueline. I’m so glad you shared here like this, Beth.
You speak of His amazing grace so beautiful here, Kristin. How great is our God!! Love you so much. xoxo
This is beautiful — thank you for being transparent and vulnerable enough to share this with us. God is using YOU and your story to speak volumes to so many.
Thank you for your encouraging words, Jill. And thank you for all you shared to encourage us in this journey of child sponsorship. I love your heart for Compassion. It’s inspiring. God bless you and your family. Much love. xoxo
I see you, so clearly, friend just blossoming into all God has called you to. Embracing your story as the path we all must walk to get to where He is taking us. I see how you are learning to stop fearing that it will pull people away, and I PRAY that you can sense how it is doing just the opposite. Your transparency is pulling us all to you — even more, to Him. The Simply Beth I am coming to know is so Simply Amazing!
Beth, I have read your comment multiple times now and each time it brings a few tears. Good tears because you speak such encouragement to my heart. I love that we share a name but what I love even more is your friendship. You have been such a blessing to me. THANK YOU. xoxo
I always love reading your brave words. I’m sure it was not easy admitting you didn’t send Jacqueline a bday present, but I see you growing so much in your relationship with Christ. And even though we fail at times, He is going to make good out of it anyways! Who knows what God has in store, you may get to meet Jacqueline face to face one day.
I ditto what Beth Hess said, “Simply Beth is Simply Amazing” 🙂
Thank you, sweet friend. Don’t you just love how He wastes nothing. Even when we mess up, He finds a way to use that too. Your comment made me smile big!! Much love to you. xoxo
Beth, you words always blesses me. I have been doing sponsorship for sometime now but lately I have been seeing it fresh eyes.
Thank you, Wanda. The comments from everyone regarding sponsorship are encouraging my heart greatly. It’s so wonderful to read the stories of others. Blessings to you.
Beth, thank you for your honesty in sharing your story. It touched me.
Thank you, Kendra.
Beth,
You connect with hearts so easily, so fully, sharing your reality. I love that about you. And these dreams, they are His for you. Don’t let go, don’t let the worlds time, circumstances, and situations rob you of what He plants in you, ever.
Much Love,
Dawn
I love you, sweet friend. You have been such an encouragement to me in these few months we have connected. Can’t wait for a chance to hug you in real life. Much love. xoxo
Yes. Simple yes! Love you Beth!
I love you, Lisa. xoxo
Hi Beth! I didn’t know that you went to Guatemala, what a trip that must have been! How beautiful that you are making a difference in the life of a child who really needed support. It is amazing how God takes our weaknesses and makes them into strengths. Maybe you couldn’t give birth to the little girl you always wanted, but God made sure you still got one. Just a different way. But just as precious.
Don’t stress on the flaws, see the delight you are bringing to your little girl!
Great post my friend,
Ceil
Let me just say, Ceil, that I can’t wait to catch up in person TOMORROW! Smiling big in anticipation of great fellowship. Much love. xoxo
Beth- you are a sweet beautiful soul. And thank you for opening your heart yet again- it is through these pieces we see God’s love and light shine so brilliantly. I have wondered a lot lately at just why God gave me His gifts when I persisted in rebelling against Him. The answer- His love. We can’t grasp it, but when I see a sister like you opening up I am amazed at His work in us. Love you love you love you.
Our pastor preached this past Sunday on how the most important thing He has given us is His love. Sometimes we get caught up in what our spiritual gifts are but what matters most is love. Embracing His love and giving it to others. Love you, friend!!! Sending hugs your way. xoxo
I love you girl and your heart for sharing honestly. God does want us to go ALLIN for Him and your sponsorship is one baby step toward Him. It also is your time for your desire for a girl to come full circle. God has not finished writing this story yet. He will! Love this post and you!
Such beautiful encouragement, Mary. Thank you! Love YOU! xoxo
wow. Beth I say ‘go for it’. I do believe that many times those God honoring impossible dreams are meant to be at least gone after. Things that only God could make happen and others seem to think are absolutely ‘ridiculous’. I believe it for you!!!! I know a family that did something similar after their biological kids were all older. That little Guatemalan baby of the family has brought utter delight to their home. She needed to be there.
Thank you for sharing your heart, your desires,and your story. As always, I am blessed!